Sparks and Masking (TWO DEEP DIVES IN ONE)

 Hey everyone, it is Noodle/Jack here. Before any discussing and deep diving, I would like to apologise for my hiatus, this year is my final year of university and I’ve been more focused on sharing my views as an autistic person in a dissertation on autism in media. I’ve also been making a picture book around some part of Scottish History which has been so fun as I get to share a part of my heritage for university work. Also since we last spoke, I’m still with my boyfriend, he and I will be celebrating 2 months soon and one year since we first met. It’s crazy! I also would like to say I turned 22 last month which means I’m getting old. Anyways today I thought I’d start a post which is easy to do and still a very good read. Before we run into the sea and get hypothermia, I’d love to make a huge shoutout to my best friend Jenna who has been using this blog as a source of inspiration for her essays at college, she jokes every time we meet, she will use the base of these posts as outlines for her essays. Anyways let’s get into the world of sparks. 

(Yes a picture of sparks, so I’m most definitely back in that writing grind)

So today’s episode is around Masking and the two sparks songs which I feel fit this theme. Firstly some of you might be asking; What is Masking? Now masking for an autistic person is almost like wearing a mask and costume, you are trying to look like a functioning member of society and smiling when inside you’re feeling sick or sad. It can also look like holding in an explosion, such as letting overwhelming sensory input come at you and when you’re alone you explode and let everything out. To me masking happens a lot when I’m in public, unless with my friends. It makes me sad as often at the most accommodating art events I run I am masking because I am thinking of everyone else before me. Last year I hid myself because I wanted to make sure everything went perfectly, despite my joys at the start when I saw my research being used as a mini exhibit and when I heard I was on the badge machine. I’ve also experienced the explosion sensation, I’ve often felt it physically and then I end up unable to speak and crying or over apologising as I want people to not see that side of me. 

(Me at the art event, the raccoon fella is called Beans)

The first song I think of that Sparks have created that I have considered it relating to the idea of masking is Funny face, this was released 1981 on Whomp that Sucker. In recent days, I’ve came to note it could also be about Audrey Hepburn film Funny Face, however, the masking idea is in relation to the lyrics. The lyric “I only lived to be seen” could reference how many people mask to cover up how out of control they feel about their life, they could look like they have control and everything is fine. Another lyric is “covering, smoothing and changing the shape” which can relate to masking, another term which can be seen here is camouflaging where autistic people try and blend in with society. This lyric reflects the painful reality of being autistic as many mould and shape different masks for different people and situations as they can’t cope with how overwhelming certain aspects of life are. Another lyric is “Everyone wanted a face just like mine” which can relate to how many neurotypical people love when they see an autistic person who doesn’t outwardly display traits of their autism due to the mask, a few years ago I worked at a thrift store for 6 months as experience and to build my confidence in communication I knew a girl who was my age and she was so nice and also autistic; one of our managers didn’t like when she was struggling with overwhelm in change or couldn’t do her volunteer role and work at a bar. I used to sometimes hang out with them before or after my shifts and we’d just share our interests and eat something together. Everyone loves an autistic person until they have other pursuits in life which could cause us overwhelm if another juggling ball came into our hands. Another lyric is “Probably nothing behind the face” which comes from the bridge part of the song, this could relate to how many people feel that we are nothing more than the mask we wear, this can often make an autistic person unsure of who they really are. In my lifetime, before I learnt I have autism I wasn’t sure who I was, yes I knew I was an old TV show fan and lover of idents, but I just accepted I was just an outcast. As I’ve came to terms of my autism I often feel I’ve lost people because I’m trying to accommodate myself and advocate for myself. That lyric hits deep because sometimes people don’t think I’m anything more than a happy, cheery, people oriented person; deep down I’m a scared, quiet, anxious and tired person. The last lyric is “That was the day that I jumped of the bridge” which unfortunately, in personal views can reference the huge suicide rate in autistic people, this is due to the lack of understanding of autistic communities and also due to the high rates in bullying and trauma. When we look at an autistic person masking, them unmasking could be them so drained they can not see joy in being in society. 

Looking at the music video, it’s no wonder there is a theory this song has a deeper meaning in the idea of masking, Ron is portrayed in many “funny faces” and the children seem scared of him when he is unmasked, which is often a common issue in autistic people. Many see us as weird or freakish because we are embracing ourselves. Another interesting analogy is that when Ron is “masked” he is never once noticed by the children, only by the adults which scold him which can relate to how adults will still notice small quirks in a human which can make them click at autism. 

My next deep dive takes us ahead by 13 years to Gratuitous Sax and Senseless Violins. This one has been hugely agreed by a lot of the neurodiverse Sparks community and that is the song When Do I get to Sing ‘My Way’. This seems fitting as last month the album turned 30 years old, older than me. I first hated this album, I had a strong no go zone on this album then I began hearing the story of this album, from fan stories and the album process. The first lyric is “no use in lecturing them” suggests that when we mask trying to explain our autism to people, many don’t understand or listen to us. Many times I’ve put on job applications I’m awaiting an assessment for autism and many times I have been declined because of many people’s misconceptions of autism, I’m not some 5 year old obsessed with trains who screams in an Asda because my mummy didn’t get me my favourite toy. I’m a 22 year old guy who can do jobs just as well as anyone else, at my thrift store I was one of my manager’s favourite staff. Another lyric is “the plot is predictable, not new” which can link to how many autistic people have pattern recognition and can easily see when something will happen, an example is never making me watch crime shows. I also feel the pattern recognition seeps through a lot of autistic people, despite their masking as we are automatically aware of the neurodiverse people around us. The lyric everyone I’ve talked to about this song is “Is my smiley face still on?” Which can relate to acid house which was huge subculture, especially in late 80s into early 90s and in England; bands such as New Order, Priminal Scream, The KLF, Chemical Brothers, Underworld, Prodigy and Happy Mondays all fall under the radar of acid house. I’m not here to talk history of acid house, I’m discussing sparks. When I look at this lyric I feel it heavily relates to masking as most neurodivergent people try and keep looking happy/positive even when they are exhausted. It can also  relate to how many autistic people are people pleasers, afraid of rejection and sensitive to criticism. Another lyric is “They’ll introduce me hello, hello” which could be an autistic person masking themselves by scripting, this is a coping mechanism for most autistic people as they struggle with communication so they keep a mental script for different people and places, for me I script my “have a nice day/night” when at the shop and at uni I’m always saying “good morning/afternoon” to people. When I’m in a new place or area I script heavily as I’m afraid I’ll go mute and everyone will judge me because I’m not talking. The last lyric I want to talk about is “I have no souvenirs of these crackerjack years” this could relate to how most autistic people forget who they were before masking or have no conscious memory of who they are when they do mask. I also feel it could relate to the disconnect from the surroundings when you mask, for me I find the constant scripting and hiding myself makes me loose parts of who I am and thus creating no memories or stories from tbose periods. My old lecturer believed the only stories we’d remember in the future about childhood or school were happy or fun ones, but because of my high usage of masking I only remember the painful ones where people broke off my mask and revealed the ugly reality

Looking at the artwork designs for this single makes you notice heavily the concept that this song is about masking, from the Ron avoiding eye contact on the front, to the Russell also avoiding harsh direct eye contact on the front (thanks for that, I can’t understand why that must be the idea of an artwork of 2 guys staring me down as I play a song the 300th time) to the back cover being Ron with a speech bubble, almost relating to what was mentioned earlier; scripting. I also feel the colour scheme (yes I know it is to connect to the album) but yellow relates to happiness and smiles, something an autistic person does a lot of when masking. 

Before I close off this post I leave you with a question, you can answer here in the comments, or even message me on Facebook or comment on the post announcing this post. What does your mask look like? Is it similar to mine which is numerous characters for certain situations but it comes off around those you trust. I’m curious to understand how this piece has related and been digested by my fellow masking or non masking neurodivergent readers. Yes that can mean my boyfriend and best friend can input. 

Now we end our journey here, I’m so exhausted. I wrote this in just 2 hours but the idea has been brewing for weeks. I’ve been itching to write more here as I have missed sharing my ideas and concepts. I will try my hardest to keep updating this as I find is a lot easier than physically talking. Once again I’ve been Jack/Noodle, you’ve been my readers. Stay safe and slay and a happy new year. 

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