Sparks and the joys of Autism (a celebratory/updating post)

 Hey everyone, my name is Jack/Noodle, welcome back to Soundwaves from Noodle. I hope you’ve got some treats or a nice drink, maybe even a banner or balloons to celebrate this day. For those my generation, I will be bringing out my ukulele and apologising as I disappeared for most of last year. I will be addressing this in today’s posting as I want to restart my existence here as well as discussing my joys in Sparks. So before I do all of this please sit down, get a warm blanket, put your favourite clothes on, put some cosy music on or even get a nice treat. 

(Me summoning myself from the near dead)

Before I wandered off from my seat here, I was planning a few big and fun posts as I was optimistic for employment and optimistic for this place to stay regularly updated in my days off. So far, I have not gotten paid employment, however, volunteering is calling me currently as I will admit not being here, the lack of employment and then the plans to make several fun posts was overwhelming. I found anything I did that wasn’t my creative home, illustration and crafts, not fun. I decided I needed to take time out to find my passions for things outside my comforts. Little did I know, this would be nearly half a year. In this time, I was a stall holder (I still am) at a local market, this market has helped me find my joys in arty times. I’m currently making some new product designs for a market on 28th February in a music venue called Pop Recs, it’s such a comforting venue as I know so many great musicians performed there. As I mentioned earlier, volunteer work is calling me as in this week I have an interview for a charity shop/thrift store which I’m hoping is successful (before I became soundwaves and before art school I worked in one for some experience and confidence boosting) and then week after I’ve got one to hopefully work in my towns new library/arts building. As a sparks fan, I can assure you I’ll be summoning my love for the old guys into both things if I get these jobs and making sure I adopt my town into embracing them. 

(Me and Superted at a Halloween market dressed as a very niche album cover) 

When I got into sparks, I was just beginning to be more adult than I had been beforehand, if you had told that person I was before university that I’d experience so many crazy and awful and amazing experiences they would look at you and laugh and tell you “what’s new?”. Before university, I had barely experienced the world, as mentioned above I worked in a charity shop before university for experience and confidence. That job helped hugely as during lockdown (as I’m sure this is the same for many)  I went through mass awful mental health, I was already terrified of the world and barely went outside on my own but lockdown made me have time to think about how I needed to get out there. When I left college I began travelling to somewhere I saw on TikTok called glass beach, it is near me and I used to go down and legally collect sea glass. I then got told to job search if I was having a mental health year out, I found the charity shop work, i didn’t like to admit at the time but I loved it and my last days made me sad as I didn’t want to move on from that section of my life. Similar to sparks, I don’t feel like moving away from this band as I have done so much because of the band, from my artwork to travelling for the band. This brings me onto the first joy in sparks, I got to learn and push what I thought I couldn’t do into things I could do. I thought I couldn’t travel on trains far away from my comfort areas as they used to create anxiety and awful memories for me, but I managed to get trains to and from Glasgow. I thought I couldn’t speak to strangers and hang out with people without judgement, but I have since hung out with amazing people and despite that worry being in my mind it isn’t ruining the moment for me. I thought that me obsessively drawing a band would freak a lot of people out and scare people, but I got me an amazing space at an exhibition and yapping to people accidentally about the band. This band has done so so much for me. I celebrate big and small wins and this band has managed to create both, and I hope to share this amazing band with more people and more wins. 

Another reason for my lack of existence here was because I was officially diagnosed with autism. This probably shocks no one here, but I needed a moment to sit with my inner child and have a deep conversation with myself. One day I may go deeper into this discussion I had with myself if I feel comfortable with it. I read up in Chloe Hayden's book “Different, Not less” that many neurodivergent people who are just diagnosed feel both the joy and the pains of that diagnosis and I was adamant that I’d just feel the joy and celebration for the diagnosis, as I had been aware of needing a diagnosis for near (or even bang on) 10 years. The delay in posting was because I couldn’t accept the negative feelings I had attached to me with string or chain, I couldn’t accept that I felt awful as I didn’t want that to be my story. My mum had raised me to focus on the positives of anything you come to so I wanted to hide my sadness by celebrating and giving myself cake for having a diagnosis, but the noise of that pain got to me until I started doing an autism group to understand and respect my autism. Yes, some days are awful for me but I still find a way to feel positive and I’m ready to come back here to embrace them more. 

(On my way back to Soundwaves)

Another joy of Sparks is using them as part of my routine, in my early days I asked the fandom if they did anything similar to me, using the band to do chores or finish a job, many of you agreed or shared stories of how sparks helped in your daily life. Currently it is nearly 10pm in the UK and I have Sparks on to ‘lock in’ on this post as motivation, I’ve found that it also is equally motivating to listen to sparks when you’re nervous for big things such as markets or exhibitions or groups. I’ve found myself dancing around my badge machine more times than I’ll admit as sparks came on. The joy of using them in a routine relaxes me and helps me continue my week, I love watching content on them I may have watched several times already as a part of helping me get dressed or stop being ‘stuck’. If I’m sick or needing more rest than I can humanly take without getting mad, I turn to the documentary and imagine myself being interviewed for it. I’m currently awaiting dental surgery so lookout for me pretending I’ve been interviewed by Edgar during that 2 week recovery. 

(Sparks help me make these amazing products)

I also stopped posting here for a while as I hit a wall in my writings. As many have probably seen, the world is a mess and on fire. I try and not let it scare me into silence or blindness as I can see and talk about how innocent civilians should not be killed and then governments cover this up and lie about how they did something. I’m from Scotland, my ancestors were killed and/or forced to give up their cultures and languages because of the English and I wake up and walk around my town to see a mess of English flags proudly flown when I know the guys who raised them went to their local takeout place and then corner shop, all ran by people not from England or didn’t have heritage from England. I also tried so hard to mute my political leanings and posts here, mostly because I wanted this to be a safe blanket or couch from all of the chaos. But before I resume my work I just want you readers to know; fuck trump, fuck ICE, fuck Nigel farage, fuck labour government for neglecting my county, fuck reform uk for making me fear that I don’t have a place in my city and fuck trump. I don’t want to be blind or deaf to the fire around me, but I want this to be a place that is safe to sit to breathe. I don’t want to drown my friends and readers in pain and suffering that is already in this world, but I can’t ignore it so I drink it and share the juice of it for those who want it. 

The third joy I want to talk about when it comes to sparks is seeing them live in concert, as many are aware, Sparks announced another UK tour and yes I’m planning to go to Glasgow. I’ve been planning Glasgow for many reasons, one is to see my younger sister and two because that city was beautiful and I miss when I woke up at 7am just to visit the necropolis and then have cake. One joy in this section is the bracelet and trinket trading, I loved making so many bracelets last time I will be definitely sitting making many many more as well as some keychains with some art pieces in for trading and sharing out. I hope to see more people with similar objects to trade again. I treasure anything people make or give me with my heart as my mum used to keep anything her kids gave her, I recently found a care bear McDonald’s toy from  2004 I definitely gave her and I sobbed and take it to every autism group session as a bit of good luck. I always treasure things I get so I can have things people can use as good luck charms after I leave earth. On the seeing Sparks live, I am seeing them second time in Glasgow, I am so excited because it’ll be another mini holiday and anxiety battling moment for me, last time I missed so many places my sister recommended to me (one was a bus museum and her girlfriend is a bus driver and I’m a bit of a small nerd for old vehicles especially buses) I’m also hoping she comes along on a few on my quests and adventures this time as we haven’t hung out properly since November. I’m also hoping when in Glasgow to go back to the gardens as they reminded me of home a lot and I only spent a few minutes there as I was wanting my dinner. I’ll assure you readers, that the Glasgow adventure should be a bit smoother as I don’t feel as nervous or sick about it months beforehand. 

(Getting a sweet treat before my last bit, unlike the mael’s I’m eating a yogurt) 

Lastly, the hiatus in the postings here was completely by accident. Just before my first time seeing Sparks I had my first ever market, it was a bit of a deflated beach ball but I had so much fun zoning out and closing people off for hours I forgot to open back up and write what I was thinking about. My next one is 28th February and I’m planning to make a whole collection of valentines things. I promise to balance my working life, art life and writing life a bit better. I also recently began an instagram and TikTok page dedicated to my life in loving physical media, it is called youneedto_noodle_out and I discuss or review what I play or I talk about how I got into the band. In recent times, there has been a shift and rise in people being passionate about physical media and I began my passions back in 2018. I now have over 500 CDs and a few records, and a handful cassettes. But rest assured this place will not hit the seabed and drown and get found centuries later by someone else who takes it on and changes my story. After my last post, I actually wrote a handful of ideas and deep dives I wanted to do and I write sometimes very detailed and over explained notes so I know what I meant at a certain point. I’m planning to do a special post in May and also around the day of Valentines currently as I don’t want any of my lonely hearts feeling forgotten on that overrated day. As this post comes to an end, I will thank everyone for making this place a safe place not only for me but for other readers. I got diagnosed formally with autism in November, just before my birthday and it was both a positive and negative, but I wanted to say so much and I felt so much at once it was overwhelming. I hope you readers understand life is currently loud, and has been constantly loud for the last 10 years and I’m extremely noise sensitive so to have constant noise it can sometimes feel a lot and uncomfortable. But I don’t like to give into the noise around me, it makes me stronger and want to be louder. 

Until next posting, I have been Jack/Noodle, you’ve been a reader. Good bye!