My life as a trans sparks fan

 Hello everyone it’s Noodle or Jack here with a new episode of this blog. I do apologise before starting my little episode off with an apology. I can see it’s been nearly a month and to be very honest I’ve been procrastinating on any writing. My dad recently broke his foot which means I’ve had to deal with chores but also my arty career and trying to do anything I can for others. I hope I don’t need my non existent ukulele to say how deeply sorry I am for this delay but in the next few weeks I’ll try and resume a regular schedule with some hopefully fun posts and interviews coming up. Until then I thought I’d share a personal post. I tried writing this for an entire month before deleting it as it was way too detailed so I’m going to name this: my trans identity and sparks. I hope everyone enjoys. 

Before I begin, I’ll share this funny image of Ron Mael in drag. This is to define what transgender means and educate everyone who is unaware or unsure what this means. Transgender is where one feels different or the opposite to the sex they were assigned at birth, when someone says they are Male to Female (MtF for short) it means they were born male, but identity as female; when someone says Female to Male (FtM for short) it means they were born female but identity as male; when someone says they are nonbinary this can be an umbrella term for identities such as agender, gender fluid and Demi genders. I identify as trans masc nonbinary, which is where I was born female but identify as a male but also nonbinary. To some of my on lookers who think transgender is a new thing or something we created so people can say they’re a dog, I have bad news. It isn’t new. Transgender people have always existed in a lot of different cultures. Famously a trans woman threw the first brick which created the stonewall riots. Now I have my turn at throwing things at transphobic people, usually a plushie or pen but it’s just as powerful. 

For people unaware this is me. I’m an illustration student at university and in September I’ll be in my final year so I’m going to be discussing sparks more next year to share more of my joys. But I also work with a queer, neurodivergent art group in my city called Celebrate Different. A month ago, we did an event all about queer history and art which was supported by our cities pride. This meant I was on the history of queer music side of things. I wrote about sparks as I’ve had a huge and positive impact on my confidence as a queer human. So I thought I’d write it here. 

I found sparks mid 2022, I was just about in my first year of university when I got a glam rock compilation album for listening on the train to and from work. I then heard this town and immediately fell in love. I felt like I was a man on a mission in a film, almost like James Bond. As my eagerness grew I found them again, this time in Eaten by the Monster of Love which is from their angst album. This song reminded me of music I grew up with, 80s new wave and cheesy pop. 

 This was me as a kid, excuse it’s a screenshot it was on my dad’s facebook. 

My favourite sparks track to link to being transgender is Sherlock Holmes. This slow track where Russell sings “just pretend I’m Sherlock Holmes” hits deep as there’s been times even current times I’ve pretended to be someone for somebody else. Whether that is due to my family being unaware or blind to my queer identity or I don’t feel safe unmasking my autism. 

Another track is, I Wish I Looked a bit Better from their album, in outer space. I adore dancing to this track as I often can’t stand still and it’s very easy to stim to. In my life I’ve wished I looked better and like a normal guy. Sometimes it gets so bad I will bind for way too long or self harm. My dream is to get top surgery so I feel much better in my body as I wish I did look a bit better. Often dating for me is difficult because people don’t want a man who needs a patient partner or someone who might need extra hands of help to do basic jobs. 

A break in writing with Russell’s amazing cactus suit. 

Another track I really enjoy from my transgender perspective is, Change. It is a stand alone track and always feels like a riot song. As things do indeed need to change. In the uk, transgender people have been attacked by their own government for existing. They wonder why the rate of hate crimes are so high, they question how a trans teen they’ll misgender in the media ended up dead. I listen to change wanting change, I’m tired of being afraid to go out alone, I’m always looking over my shoulder in case someone’s running after me. I feel like a dog in the rain when I want to tell family I’m transgender as I want to be named Jack. 

Another track is, Forever Young. I know someone’s going to be reading this and laughing as yes this is purely mentioned as I am IDed very often. Yesterday the guy IDed me for my dad’s online shopping. In a bar at a gig, 2 girls laughed at my ID as they couldn’t believe I was 21 (22 in 4 months) and that’s why I’ll be forever young. 

Eating my forever young cake with pride before my last song choice. 

My last track is Balls, from yes that’s right Balls. I choose this track in tribute to my friends who’ve made this a joke when I mention how hard it is to get seen as a trans autistic person. I also sing it to myself randomly as it gives me a sense of euphoria. All one really needs is balls, to succeed is balls.

That is all I have time for, I hope everyone’s enjoyed reading this episode and feel free to send your feedback. I always have time for people to leave comments and suggestions both here and on facebook, but more on facebook so I can see someone’s wrote something. 

Once again, I’ve been Noodle or Jack. I hope to catch you in my next post and writing or illustration.