Hit Me, Baby (A Trans diving)
Hey everyone, it is Jack/Noodle here with my dog Esme. Recently, I’ve had a very busy time with me trying to balance product working for markets coming up and job hunting. I decided to begin working on this post when I felt like I had to release the itch. I have held this in since the listening party and it has been getting harder to ignore and as of writing this intro (on Wednesday) I went to a big supermarket for the first time in 10 years and the itch was bigger than ever as I realised I hadn’t made any pride postings here this year. I feel awful I haven’t yet wrote about pride this year , mostly because it’s been the most draining and insane year for being openly queer people. Yet I’ve celebrated more than usual as well, I’ve been to 3 pride events, one of which I helped run. So without much hesitation or delay here’s a dive into the reality of being a trans person currently, using sparks to aid in getting my voice out there.
Originally this post began as a full deep dive of their new album MAD! But I was remembering how exhausted I was after Propaganda, yes it was really fun doing it because I could make a large post and I took my time but I felt I could try a different topic to discuss loudly in each song. Some of you may be mad (no pun intended) that this isn’t going to do that because it was a firm favourite, however, sitting here with July nearly done I realised I had not yet made a pride posting. Most of the reasoning behind no pride posting was due to the intense politics in this world currently especially towards the trans and queer crowds. I also got a few cis men who believed their voice was more important as they whinged “sparks aren’t political” last year and I stand up here (with my walking stick because I have terrible cramps in my legs, don’t try and impress dogs after walking and standing for long times) sparks are political. They’ve always been political. Angst in my Pants was a stance at saying “Fuck Reagan's America” and MAD! Is a stance of “Fuck Trump's America”. With this little random rant and reminder out the way, you best wake me up somehow maybe shake or hit me. Because the world is pretty weird and it’s getting weirder.
So to start let’s look at Hit Me, Baby's lyrics. It slaps us with the narrator claiming “this cannot be true” which can connect to how the narrators fears of where the world is going are beyond their belief. As a trans person, waking up to immediately looking on social media or news for what is happening to my rights or anyone’s rights I often find myself outwardly muttering “this cannot be true”. In the same verse the narrator admits “nightmare seems so real” which is a relatable statement as the world feels like a nightmare turned real, a mix of the orange blonde tufted person overseas from me and in my county I have a party claiming to be for the working class but doing everything against it. Linking into gender identity the “nightmare” is how UK government have ruled that a woman should be defined by biological sex, and so should a man and that all trans men and women should use their biological bathrooms in a bid to protect “single sex spaces”. Being a trans dude who often gets misgendered because I’ve left my hair to grow out and try and look after it (before I hear someone spreading awful comments, hair should be genderless, no haircut or style should be seen as one gender). By the time I post this due to my intense uncomfortablity in my hair, I may have cut it off. Also as a trans guy I can assure you, the only people who make the single spaces uncomfortable are the ones who see issue with someone wanting to be happy and themselves or the ones who “pretend” they’re a certain gender to assault women, and this is a very small percentage. Another lyric I resonate and understand intensely is “it’s getting weirder, weirder yet” which I feel can be the narrator assessing the world around them and agreeing with what everyone else is thinking but not able to outwardly say. Yes it’s getting weirder. The pointless laws and attempts to ban queer people from existing in public is like trying to erase any joys in people. In the states, not too long back the tangerine hoover bag hair man tried to ban drag queens, which is very similar to how in the UK in the 1970s-1980s there was raids on pubs who police suspected were queer hangouts. Personally, I feel drag queens are some of the nicest and coolest people; last year at my towns pride fringe events I went to one of the first arty events and a drag queen was just enjoying doing crafts between their work as a story teller and they were really nice to chat to.
In the next verse, the narrator exclaims “God, what a nightmare and I can’t wake up”. This can resonate to how they think the world is a nightmare and being unable to wake up is them in reality, reality being the world on fire as the man in charge wanted another awful spray tan and accidentally bleached his hair too long. “I can’t wake up” also could be the narrator wanting to just sleep until it is all over and start again. I often have this feeling when I learn another transphobic or trans hate law is passed in the UK and I just want to sleep until it’s over, knowing my silence is going to appear like acceptance, but my silence is more due to fear and unable to find the verbal words to write or speak. Another lyric in this verse is the narrator wanting someone to “hit me like Tyson, still it’s not enough”, this can be read in two ways for me. One way is the narrator is begging someone to slap them so they can feel more awake because the world is looking weird and becoming more scary everyday. The other way is the narrator pleading with someone to knock them out so they don’t have to deal with the world anymore than they have, hence the “still it’s not enough” Which can imply even when they’ve been hit they wake up in this nightmare. As a trans person the “hit me like Tyson” could suggest that I want to be knocked out before I’m having to conform and accept my biological sex. I do not want to conform, that is boring and uncomfortable. I did not predict (I heard rumblings from my fellow political open eared folk) that my UK government would cause this much damage and last year I was feeling quite hopeful and positive at the thought of graduating in one of the safest countries to be queer and trans, yet it is different a year later with my rights near none existent.
In the chorus is one of the most obvious grabs at pointing to you who this song is about possibly. Yes the satsuma with ugly hair. The narrator chants “Man oh man alive, where are their heads at? Man oh man alive, how can they think that?” Which I can directly reference and link to the state of everywhere in the world right now. From how America is building a literal concentration camp in Florida to in the UK the recent Internet Safety Act which sees people getting IDed for music. There’s other awful things happening but seeing as most of my readers are British (like me) or American I thought I’d remind them, despite my own overthinking anxiety I see the news. The narrator chanting “where are their heads at?” Can almost be a collective expression for what is happening in their countries. It could also be that the narrator is Ron and he wants us to know they feel the same way about the world that you do. Joining with the trans universe right now, the way the world has gone from a place I felt was going to continue to be safe and safer to exist in and I dreamt at 16 by the time I was in my late 20s-early 30s I would be living how I wanted, I feel most trans people have had the same dream but now that has been crushed by so many laws. In the UK we had a particular famous fantasy author come out in support of transphobia by funding for a transphobic law to pass so she could say “trans women are not women”, she also had backing from comedy writer Graham Lineham who also agreed “trans women ain’t real women” so I found myself nearly sick and chanting “how can they think that?” Because some of my closest friends and a few family are trans women and are all amazing and strong people. One of whom is my younger sister, Tomi and her girlfriend; I met them in Glasgow day before Sparks as they are living up there (for those I met confused why I didn’t stay at there’s, they were getting their house done up so I didn’t want to stress them out). My sister is much more extroverted than me and is willing to talk for me when I need someone to, but we are similar in our routings in video game tastes. Safe to say as a trans man, I see trans women as women and strong ones.
In the next verse, the narrator confesses they are “so sweaty, filled with fear” which when I think of the world we live in I do not blame them, my heart aches for what is happening in Palestine right now, and what makes it worse is seeing how the UK will wait to see them as a state and country in its own right in September if that awful country attacking them doesn’t agree to a ceasefire. If by September, there’s no ceasefire I hope the UK government does what they promised. I know there’s sadly no Palestinian readers here who can assure me they’re surviving, but we can hope. Another way I look at this lyric is how currently we’re seeing global warming which can link to how the narrator is “so sweaty”. Sparks recently played one of their hottest indoor venues where temperatures reached over 40 degrees and reports from fans and friends tell us Russell was still his usual bouncy self. Marrying this “filled with fear” line with the trans backwards beliefs, I fear for my younger trans friends as they are told that teachers they confide in about their identity may have to call home to tell parents this. I fear for me as unfortunately trying to transition is expensive and if you want to do it free, the NHS has a 6-8 year wait list. Something needs to change and I don’t want to be the torch bearer in this because it should not have to be this way. Another line in this verse, “what a nightmare, so loud and clear” which is relating to the first verses line on nightmares. Nightmares feeling real used to rarely happen and when they would the world would collectively join together in tackling them. The line “so loud and clear” can link to how the narrator can tell the world is a nightmare and it’s so obvious it’s HD vision and sound. It’s almost like the narrator can hear the megaphone and see the video of what they’re talking about. Another line in this song is “my bed is wet” this can suggest/imply the narrator is so anxious about waking up he has relieved himself on the bed instead of snapping out of his nightmare and going to the bathroom. It could also link into the idea that he has been so sweaty in his sleep there is a sweat silhouette after he’s been in bed. This attaches to the idea that waking up as a trans person in this world can feel like a nightmare and you want to wake up in the world you missed, the world which was accepting and progressive.
In the bridge (which is split into two verses) the line “grab and pull me, get me out of here” is sung. This line feels like the narrator begging the second character to yank them out of their horrible dream, but they’re aware the horrible dream is real life, the bit where he says “grab and pull me” almost sounds like the narrator is nearly drowning and pleading with the character we don’t know about to rescue them, whether it is a mental or literal drowning, you can make this assumption. Tethering this to the trans reality right now, drowning in the fears that I’ll never be seen as a real guy or a regular joe are often metaphorical but sometimes they’re literal as you want to change so much about you that you’re unhappy even when you’re seen as a guy as you’ve lost a bit of what made you unique. When I started my transition I began my fashion with polo shirts and jeans because “real men wear these” and I failed hard at making myself look like the men I had seen. I then began discovering my own style and vibes from 2020 onwards. Another ,one from the first bridge is, “can’t you do much more than that?” This rhetorical question was sung in a near angry tone which suggests the narrator is of been seeing as a hero or inspiration to the second character and they’re falling and drowning deeper. It can also bind onto the idea that the narrator is so exhausted they want the other character to save them. The last line in this bridge is “I can’t believe that this is where it’s at” which also was said in a rhetorical tone which is almost a realisation of what reality is becoming. The narrator has no solutions or happy endings, it is accepting reality as it is.
In the last verse, the second bridge, is a very important selection of lines and it is the narrator thinking “am I the only one without a clue? Did I sleep through my alarm? I sense an avalanche of missed alarms”. This can be interpreted as the narrator overthinking and not aware of what is reality and what is dream, it could also be seen as the narrator panicking that if he oversleeps he will miss some important news and the world will be wanting his views and expecting him to say something. This can link to being transgender as every time there’s a new law that creates fear in the trans community, if you have a decent sized platform (like me) you’re expected to have a voice and an opinion and the magical ability to fix and solve things. I’m tired of looked to for the solution, I’m just as scared as many of my fellow trans friends.
Before I close off this blog post, I will like to take time to talk about the lyric video to this song. The graphics are by Galen Johnson, they made all of the graphics for this albums lyric videos. I personally found this video interesting as it really hit the nail on the head in terms of making anxiety and fear come across in a lyric video. Many bands do not join the dots between the emotions of the music to the art of their lyric videos, but in the terms of Sparks this is the opposite. I really love how the video feels like it’s shaking as it sprawls the text for us to follow along with, almost like how if someone’s anxious and wants their voice heard amongst the sea of noise they are shaking and itching and almost screaming at you. Below this paragraph are some of my favourite shots of this music video.
Now we have reached the end of this blog post, I may have accidentally pressed publish earlier without meaning to, but it is officially finished now. I am drained, I’ve been applying to part time jobs inbetween working on this, sadly this place I call a comfort zone and so many of you guys also are in that boat will not be helpful in getting a job unless someone asks me what I do outside of my arty things. But rest assured, I will keep being here as much as I can and I will update when I have a job. I hope everyone enjoyed this posting, I will apologise if this post appeared more like a rant more than a formal post but the world is a mess and I offer no simple solutions other than please be kind and respect each other because we can’t turn on each other when the world seems like that’s an answer. Once again, I’ve been Jack/Noodle and you’ve been a reader once again! Good bye until next time
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